Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
