I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
