After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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