yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Everything about him screamed your future.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
