Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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