OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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