I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
