I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
