there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The uberlube is also flammable
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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