Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
