I think i peed on brittanys purse
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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