i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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