***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm going to jail i love you
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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