woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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