So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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