he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
