if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
