yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
