Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
