haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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