First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
