He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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