My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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