I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
