quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
