3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize