I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
