he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
birth control should be required to get into college
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
