Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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