Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
