peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
