So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I will pee on everything he values.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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