dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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