Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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