Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
