never play flip cup with pint glasses
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
