How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize