i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
