toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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