Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
