what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
