i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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