Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My hand turned me down
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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