Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
