I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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