70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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