Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
