I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
