I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
