Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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