just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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