And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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