You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
