Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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