last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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