I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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