Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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