i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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