I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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