Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
