just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize