Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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