we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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