fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
