I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
