He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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