She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
