dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
