**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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